And we 3 grow

Almost 3 weeks ago I left town for 2 weeks of on and off again business travel.  In 8 business days, I traveled the roads of Tennessee from as far west as Martin to the far northeastern Erwin, Tennessee.  What a transition from being a stay-at-home mom for over a year to not only working, but being physically away from Madeline and Savannah - and their daddy - for days at a time.  I will say, this gave Daddy the chance to bond with his girls, and gave their Nana (Chris' mom) a great opportunity to come out and bond with the girls as well!  That was week 1.  Week 2 there was sadly no Nana, but thankfully some wonderful friends here that came over and lightened Chris' load during that week.  

My heart hurt.  It hurt so badly to leave them (all 3 of them).  I loved getting picture texts of the girls, and the one Chris sent where they had just woken up with sleepy but happy eyes made me want to reach through the phone and hug those precious waking-up baby girls.

(The Picture Texts - so mad they are blurry on here!)

When I got home after my first week gone, I swear those girls had grown in 4 days and suddenly began showing me tricks they hadn't been doing before I left! (Like going from a seated position to a standing position without any help! Yay girls!) 

But, while I was gone, my girls weren't the only ones who grew.  I had been holding on to that one early morning feeding with them.  The 5:30 a.m. feeding.  And yes, I would still nurse them at that one feeding.  The rest of the day they would get whole cow's milk throughout, but the early morning, well that was my time to still enjoy the sweetest cuddling moments in the world.  After all, there are advocates for breastfeeding out there who recommend doing so until the age of 2.  Now I was never planning on nursing them until they were 2, but it was much harder than I ever thought it would be weaning them after they turned 1.  So, having that one early morning feeding (A.K.A. snuggle time) was way less than a full out nursing schedule around the clock until the age of 2, so I figured I was doing a-ok!  

However....the first week I dragged along the pump with me on my trip.   Oh that dreaded pump.  I had put it away for many, many months but had to pull it back out.  But seriously.  I pumped once a day at our normal feeding time and was barely pumping anything.  That's when I knew that my body was talking to me.  It was telling me "Momma, it's time to grow up."  In the meantime, my girls were having no complaints receiving cow's milk in the early morning hours, so they were also saying "Momma, it's time we all 3 grew up."

When I got home, I put the pump away, and the next morning I got 2 bottles and fed my girls cow's milk.  They didn't miss a beat...and neither did I.  For the next 3 days that's all I did. No more breastfeeding. And, I didn't pump - I didn't need to (to help eliminate the dreaded mastitis from occurring).  My body was over it.  But my heart was not.

The second week of travel I left the pump at home.  I felt a sense of freedom - no longer needing to drag it around with me if I was away from my girls, no longer being a required source of nutrition for my girls.  But at the same time, my heart hurt.

We had our 15 month pediatrician appointment after I returned from my trip and she asked if they were still taking a bottle.  I told her yes, in the early morning (as if we had been bottling it the whole time...ha!)  She then told us that the early morning feeding was unnecessary.  It had become a habit if the girls kept waking at 5:30 for a bottle, then going right back to sleep.  Thus began 3 days of sleep training - AGAIN - but by the 3rd morning, there was no sleep training needed.  They were both sleeping all the way until 7:30 a.m. and waking to a solid breakfast meal and milk out of a sippy.  No more bottles.  No more breast.  No more babies.  My babies are now toddlers.

Three weeks later, and one week into our "no more early morning bottles either" my heart still hurts.  A little.   Earlier this afternoon, Madeline wanted to sit on my lap to drink her water.  She sat there and titled her sippy cup back and just cuddled with me while she drank her water.  It made my heart hurt.  A little.

But then I watched my girls toddle all around this house....

...laughing with each other, speaking in their own language to each other, playing with each other, passing toys back and forth, even playing hide and seekaround the couch, and I realized that with each sad goodbye to each passing stage, there is an even better hello to a brand new stage just waiting around the corner.  Just in this past week I have seen my girls become more sociable (if that was even possible) not only with each other, but with brand new faces.  I have seen both of my girls completely give up crawling and now walk everywhere on those two ever-growing-in-strength legs.  I have seen personalities come out shining.  They are growing up and it is AMAZING to see.  And I guess I am growing up too....No longer the brand new momma feeling her way around the newness of having twin babies in the house....no longer the brand new momma with sleepy eyes all the time due to those early morning wake-up calls.  I am now a refreshed, incredibly happy momma with two little girls that are the light of my life, and an amazing husband who, with each proud smile and each tender moment I watch him shares with our girls, makes me love him even more than the day I married him.

Life is good.  And we three grow.  Or should I say 4....since even though he didn't have to give up breastfeeding (ha ha) my husband is growing right along with us in this thing called parenthood and the relationships we have with our amazingly beautiful sweet girls.

Reading their books together

Got home at 10:00 p.m. after my second week of traveling and here's what Madeline looked like in her bed....(the quilt that drapes on one side of her crib is on the bottom left, the comforter that drapes on the other side of her crib is on the top left!!!!) If I had asked their daddy, I'm sure he would have said he felt the same!!

Oh I love you girls....the bittersweet moments of motherhood are seriously only just beginning.