It really wasn't that long ago that a very dear friend of mine called me up and asked if my twins bite. She said her son was bitten by a twin toddler and that she had heard that this was normal for twins to do. I immediately responded by saying "NO! My girls don't bite. No, no, no..not MY girls!" Oooooh how we as parents seems to always say things that come back to bite us in the tail.
Rewind to a couple of weeks ago when we were at Cohutta Springs Camp. Chris and I had taken the girls out in their jogging stroller for our morning jog when I looked down and saw Savannah repeatedly taking Madeline's snack trap. She had one of her own, but she wanted her sissy's too. So she would reach over, take it from Madeline, Madeline would cry, somehow get it back, then Savannah would reach over and steal it again. This went on for a while until I heard the pause and then the wail.....oh the wail. I immediately stopped running, came around to the front of the stroller, bent down and there it was. The BIGGEST bite mark on Savannah's forearm.
And so the biting began. This has become Madeline's way of defending herself from her sister who has become quite the aggressor herself! Oh they love each other...do they ever! But they fight as siblings do! I was one of 3 growing up....I know. But how do I respond in this role as the mediator and trainer of little human beings to grow up to become dignified, well-behaved people...non-biters??
We have tried scolding. We have tried time-out. Nothing was working. And then I ran across the most BEAUTIFUL article online HERE about twin toddlers and biting. I discovered I am not alone, and that yes, this is common in twins because they have the rare opportunity to spend day in and day out with another little person of the same age - another little person who also hasn't learned about boundaries and sharing and all the things that life as new toddlers brings. Singletons often experience this at daycare or on a play date with a friend...but twins, well every day is a play date. So, it is bound to happen sooner than later with twins.
The key word I learned was CONSISTENCY. How is it that this word - consistency - pops up every time I have an issue I'm trying to deal with relating to my daughters? Sleep...."be consistent". Bedtime routines...."be consistent." Church and sitting still...."be consistent". Punishment...."be consistent." Don't keep trying a different punishment each time hoping that maybe this next method will work. Instead, pick one and BE CONSISTENT! Duh! You would think by now I've figured this consistency thing out. Time-out may not work for a while. The girls are not responding well to it at all. But what I learned is that each and every time they do a behavior that is unacceptable - such as BITING - send them to time-out. They will eventually learn that behavior X (Biting) will lead to behavior Y (An unhappy time - Time-out). The article talks about a 3 year old twin that was found sitting at the bottom of the stairs - where their time out place was. The mom asked him what was wrong and he told her that he had hit his sister. He knew to place himself in "Time-Out!" It took him until he was 3 years old to finally get it, but he got it!!!!!!
It may take my girls another year and a half to fully understand the consequences of their bad behavior, but it is my job as their mother to be CONSISTENT in my (and Chris') parenting to call them out and respond consistently to their bad behavior so that they can learn to be good girls!!
Wow is parenting challenging. To all the new parents out there: Never, ever, ever think that it is easy and that what you may read in the books is always going to work, and most importantly, never, ever, ever say "Never! My child will NEVER do that!" Oh how humbling the parenting experience can be. :-)
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