The Sounds of Silence

Tick tock...tick tock...all I hear is the ticking of the clock as I sit in silence after laying two incredibly tired little girls down for bed.  Earlier I ventured down to the grocery store with my hubby and girls just before he headed off to prayer meeting.  We grabbed a bite to eat, then made an attempted clothing store run which resulted in the sounds of a screaming child - yes one of mine - heard all throughout the store.  Tired. One tired little girl. Chris lugged her out to the car while I checked out with my other completely content child.  After getting both girls in the car, dropping Chris off at his and going our separate ways, the girls and I headed home.  That's when it really began.  For the next 25 minutes, the sounds of nothing but screaming - in stereo, yes double time - could be heard the entire way home.  Not sure why, no explanation, just screaming.  It was pitiful!  But when you are driving by yourself down the interstate, there's nothing you can do.  You can't turn around, can't grab a toy to hand to them, can't figure out what's wrong - nothing.  Just drive.  

By the time we got home, one had fallen asleep - the same one that had acted up in the store - and the other had finally calmed down.  I carried them both up the stairs, into their room.  After a few more long minutes of screaming, they finally went to bed, falling peacefully - and quickly - to sleep.  They were exhausted.  And so am I.

I look around my house to see toys everywhere - I mean everywhere.  Last night, after putting the girls to bed, I spent literally 2.5 hours cleaning - getting the kitchen straightened up, halfway catching up on laundry, picking up the toys that had been completely scattered around the house.  Tonight I need to do the same, yet again.  All of this after an intense day of playing and refereeing, changing diapers, giving baths, even getting a 3 mile run in, and yes, actually getting work - business work - done.  There is no time to rest.  There is no time to collapse. I can't imagine spending another 2.5 hours, or even 1 hour, cleaning again tonight.  I just can't.  So what do I do?  I collapse.  I collapse in a sea of toys.  And I get out my computer, and I write this down, because as I am discovering with each season of motherhood, these moments of "my need to collapse" change.  They evolve - they already have in just the short 19 months I've been a mother.  And already, looking back at those early moments of "my need to collapse" after taking care of two newborns, I am nostalgic for those sweet, precious days.  So I know that one day, I'll be nostalgic for these sweet precious days of a house full of toys strewn everywhere - a house full of "momma let us play all day having a big time with our toys, even playing with us instead of worrying about keeping everything clean and the laundry and dishes all caught up!"  Wait...I wouldn't have found the time to do that today no matter if I'd even tried, not with these two running around the house!

So now, I collapse, and thank my Heavenly Father above for the blessing of motherhood and two precious toddler girls who fill my days with such amazing joy, energy and excitement and bring some serious heavy rest to my nights.  And pray that no one makes a surprise knock on my door.  Guess I should just permanently pull out the sign "The house was clean yesterday.  Sorry you missed it."   I love you sweet girls.